I feel so horrible Peanut has just recently learned how to open up doors. Our house does not have regular doorknobs, just fancy looking door handles, so I can’t put those safety rings on them. I always keep the deadbolt locked anyway. Well, today, I locked the porch door and the front door is gated off, but I didn’t lock the door to the garage. I didn’t even think to lock it. I sat Peanut down on the couch to watch Dora so I could shampoo the carpet in my bedroom, in the back of the house. After about 10 minutes, I went to check on Peanut and I could hear this pounding on my front door. The mailman had my daughter. She had gone out the door to the garage and my husband had left the actual garage door open. She couldn’t have been out there long, her feet weren’t even dirty, but still, she could have gotten hit by a car or kidnapped.

I was in shock when I took her from the mailman I closed the door and then sat down an cried. I called my father so he could scream at me, I just felt so horrible. I can’t believe I let that happen. So now I’m off to Walmart to buy new doorknobs and I called the post office to let the mailman’s boss know that he is a hero.

I can’t believe she got out of the house. My poor Peanut. I don’t deserve to be her mom.

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in shit. Yes I said shit. We just got a new puppy, we’ll call him Moose to keep my identity anonymous. I have to post a picture because he so cute…

Unfortunately, he is a shit machine. Housebreaking him has been very hard and I have cleaned up more shit than I’d like to admit.
On top of that, Peanut is not feeling well this week and has a small case of the trots. Her diaper changes have been ungodly.

So much shit, so little time.

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Many mommy bloggers have written about crushes on characters on children’s shows. Since becoming a stay-at-home-mom, I’ve become quite smitten with certain characters.

The Wiggles:
Captain Feathersword- Man, I wouldn’t mind taking a trip on the Goodship Feathersword, if you know what I mean. I think it’s the whole pirate garb thing. I wonder if dresses up for his wife like that That would be so hot!

Anthony (the blue Wiggle)- So hot. Yes, Anthony, I will eat fruit salad with you- IN BED!

Drake and Josh:
They’re over 18, so don’t be sending Chris Hanson to my house. I think Josh was much cuter when he was chubby. Now that he’s gotten skinny and less hot, Drake has caught my eye. I could teach that boy a think or two.

Other shows I that get me thinking (non-sexually, of course).

The Doodlebops:
I just spend my time trying to figure out who is gay, Rooney or Moe. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And Bus Driver Bob kind of bothers me because he kind of looks like a child molester. And that chick that talks in rhymes bugs me, too.

Pinky Dinky Doo:
I can’t stop myself from saying yeserooney, positooney. All. The. Time.

The Wonder Pets:
Damn, whoever wrote the songs for this show have managed to create musical crack. “The phone, the phone is ringing…” plays in my head all day long.

Franklin:
Anyone else think Franklin acts like an asshole? And why don’t any of the other animals have real names. They’re just called Beaver (tee-hee) and Bear and whatnot.

Little Bear:
Put some clothes on, you whore.

It’s not a kid’s show but…
For some reason my daughter loves Reba. I actually kind of like it, too. Reba looks like an elf, though.

I know, I’m sad and I need to get a life.

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I am totally obsessed with the Duggars. For those of you who are not familiar with the Duggars, check out their site, here. Or you look at their page on the Discovery Health website.

My first experience with the Duggars came from watching one of their specials on Discovery Health. I think it might have been “14 Children and Pregnant.” Keep in mind they have had 3 children since then. Yes, that is correct. This family has 17 NATURAL children. I guess they are like uber-Christian or something. Anywho, since the first show, I have been hooked. I am in total awe of this family, especially the mother. I’m barely sane with just one child. I think if I had 17, I would be bonkers. We just got a puppy and I’m barely keeping it together. I also like Mother Duggar’s totally late ’80’s hair-do. Shit, I don’t know when she has time to do it up, because this chick home schools her brood, too.

That being said, imagine how excited I was when we moved to Southern Mid-western State that we would be living close to the Duggars. I made it my mission to drive by their house. They live over an hour away from me, though, and I was finding it hard to drive myself all that way. I finally had an excuse when I had to get an oil change and the only car dealership like my car (that made sense, right?) was a few towns north of the Duggars. Husband had the baby and I had a free Saturday morning so I thought, “Why not? Today I will stalk the Duggars.”

So I packed my camera (this becomes crucial later), found their address on the internet and programmed the GPS. The Duggars live in this little out of the way, rural neighborhood with narrow roads. At first I drove right passed their road (GPS be damned) so I had to turn around. Then, I found it. I found their wonderful, fabulous self-built homestead. I was extra lucky because Mother Duggar had just given birth to number 17 only 2 days before.

I pulled over to the side of the road right in front of their house, careful not to roll my car into the ravine that was there. I searched my bag for my camera and Oh no! Where is it? Did I pack it? I could have sworn I did, but then again I am a space cadet. I found my cell phone and took the best pictures that I could. Then in Duggar-bliss, I went to a nearby McDonalds. It was there that I found that I did have my camera. I couldn’t go back, though, because I had to get home to my baby.

And I didn’t want them to think I was psycho.

I’m not am I?

The House of Duggar

The sign announcing the newest Duggar

Again, I apologize for the shitty picture quality. It was my camera phone.

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10. AMERICAN TOP FORTY
I remember eagerly sitting by my stereo on Sunday mornings waiting for Casey Kasem to play my favorite songs so I could record them on blank tapes. I still have those tapes till this day. Then there was Shadoe Stevens and then Casey again. Now we have to put up with Ryan Seacrest. I want my “Long Distance Request and Dedication” back.

9. COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMAN
I want my bad news brought to me in countdown form in a VERY LOUD VOICE (did you ever notice he’s always yelling?).

8. 40 MOST SOFTSATIONAL SOFT-ROCK SONGS

Gotta love a countdown that includes Bread, Captain & Tenille and REO Speedwagon- “I don’t wanna sleep, I don’t wanna eat, I just wanna keep on watching countdown shows… FOREVERRRRRRRRRR.”

7. 100 GREATEST KID STARS

Oh my god! You found my lost childhood! Thanks!

6. 100 GREATEST TEEN STARS

Different from above because it KIRK CAMERON! OMG!

5. THE “YOU HAVE UNTIL THE COUNT OF 3 TO GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE” COUNTDOWN

Passed down from generation to generation, it’s always nice to know you have 3 seconds until your mom beats your ass.

4. 101 REASONS THE 90’s RULED

Two words: KRISS KROSS

3. CELEBRITY CUM COUNTDOWN

Found this on collegehumor.com.
Very Funny.

2. THE SPACE SHUTTLE COUNTDOWN

At the end you get to orbit the Earth… and it makes Trekkies wet.

1. THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

You gotta admit, the band Europe hit on some lyrical genius there.

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