That is the question.

Student loans are killing us. Damn graduate school! Damn it to hell!

I’d like to earn some extra money to help out, but I can’t find a library job that isn’t 4 hours away. I guess I could work somewhere like Wal-Mart, but since I’m paying out my ass for the library degree, I’d like to use it.

On the other hand, I like staying home with Peanut. She’s becoming quite the conversationalist. She can actually string two words together and make a sentence.

She also repeats things. Today she said “Shit.” Yup, doing a great job at this stay at home mom thing.

Seriously, though, I enjoy my stay at home momdom. Who else would vacuum? Husband is absolutely no help in this issue. He told me to do whatever I wanted. Damn my supportive spouse! Damn him to hell!

I have no idea what to do.

I hate that.

–>

I feel so horrible Peanut has just recently learned how to open up doors. Our house does not have regular doorknobs, just fancy looking door handles, so I can’t put those safety rings on them. I always keep the deadbolt locked anyway. Well, today, I locked the porch door and the front door is gated off, but I didn’t lock the door to the garage. I didn’t even think to lock it. I sat Peanut down on the couch to watch Dora so I could shampoo the carpet in my bedroom, in the back of the house. After about 10 minutes, I went to check on Peanut and I could hear this pounding on my front door. The mailman had my daughter. She had gone out the door to the garage and my husband had left the actual garage door open. She couldn’t have been out there long, her feet weren’t even dirty, but still, she could have gotten hit by a car or kidnapped.

I was in shock when I took her from the mailman I closed the door and then sat down an cried. I called my father so he could scream at me, I just felt so horrible. I can’t believe I let that happen. So now I’m off to Walmart to buy new doorknobs and I called the post office to let the mailman’s boss know that he is a hero.

I can’t believe she got out of the house. My poor Peanut. I don’t deserve to be her mom.

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